office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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