I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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