Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dignity is for republicans.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
