Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
