I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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