It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
