we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
