Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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