one might say we're banned from that church
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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