is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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