my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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