That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
