I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
