Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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