I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
