I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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