just come out here and I will go home with you...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my shit smells like andre
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
