So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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