It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
