I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
