oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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