i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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