i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
