She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
