Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
