I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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