Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
high people should be assigned attendants
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
