did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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