I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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