Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my liver is dry heaving
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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