Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Congratulations! We have a period
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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