guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
