I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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