My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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