On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
