How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
