I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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