Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
