I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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