did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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