someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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