I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
