I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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