Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
