mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
