I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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