I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
