lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
