My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
