the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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