just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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