My sheets look like a crime scene.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The air taste purple.
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