Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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