I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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