i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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