He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
