Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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