My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
