We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
