weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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