Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
