I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So many bounce houses so little time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
