"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dick very happy bro
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
