she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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