i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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