never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
